Letting Go Of Tools That No Longer Work

One of the symptoms of ADHD is a tendency to hyper-focus.  To be unable to remove one’s mind from a certain subject, and to become absolutely absorbed in it, and unable to focus on anything else.  This has both benefits and drawbacks.  One of the drawbacks is that it does not last forever.  Odds are what was enthralling a few months ago, now scarcely receives a second thought.

I am always on the lookout for a new scheme, a new method, a new mantra, or a new program to help me along on my life’s journey.  It could be anything.  A website for keeping track of tasks that need to be done; a phrase to repeat in my head when I am getting frustrated, or losing my cool.

When I find something that works, it is quite exciting.  I make quick progress, and wonder how I ever survived without my new favorite tool.  Everything starts falling into place.  Amazing.  Slowly, however, what was once joy turns to drudgery, and my miracle solution ceases to be miraculous.  I can’t really tell you exactly why this happens, but it does, and it can be quite devastating.  I have grown accustomed to the results that were once produced.  Why is the house so cluttered and messy, when I have been using my fool proof cleaning method?  Why I am constantly dropping the ball at work when I have my never-forget-a-task-again checklist?

There was a time when, to my hurt, I would force myself to keep going, to keep using a tool that is no longer working.  But over time I have discovered that it is better to be happy it worked for as long as it did, and move on.  The less time I spend in mourning, the more time I can spend developing my next big idea.

Inspiration Overload

Even as I attempt to write a blog post, I am reminded of the symptoms of my self-diagnosed combined ADHD.  There is a lot I would like share on this subject (maybe even too much) and sometimes I find it hard to get my ideas to stand in line and wait their turn.

I imagine that in my mind there are two rooms, one where ideas are born, and the other where they are processed into something that can be seen and understood by the outside world.  Between these two rooms there is a door.  For the most part, the ideas are content to stay in the first room.  They don’t even seem to notice the door, never-mind the world the lies beyond.

Oh, but if one of them happens to catch a glimpse, they all rush for the door at once, pushing and clawing, trying to force their way through.  It feels like a power-surge of inspiration, but If I am not prepared, it can end in disappointment, and frustration.  You see, only one idea can fit through the door at a time, and all the time they are struggling to be the one chosen idea, they are also growing.  My mind is filled with so many thoughts going in different directions it feels like Grand Central Station.  In desperation, I grab the idea that looks most promising, shove the others back, slam the door shut, and lock it; hoping I have made the right choice.  Other times, If I happen to have a pen and paper handy, I will write down as many of the ideas as possible, and start working on them one at a time.  If an idea isn’t thoroughly processed (or written down) in a timely manner, there is no telling if or when it will return.

A small journey of learning.

The Peaceful Papa

Little lungs belt out a squeal.

I’m not being annoying. My voice is developing sounds unfamiliar to my ears. Boy, the acoustics sure are different in the bathroom than the bedroom; and different in the car and at the park. I made that noise!

Little feet squish mud between the toes.

I’m not being dirty. It’s cold and soft. I sink ever so little when I put my foot in it. Small, form-able clumps emerge from the gaps in my toes. It’s fascinating and new. It makes a cool splat when I smack it with my hand. How neat and exciting!

A small human puts a crayon on the wall and draws a line.

I’m not being bad. I can make lines on a piece of paper. I wonder what else I can make lines on! This applies differently on the chair than paper. And even more different on…

View original post 150 more words

Memory Like a Box of Photographs

There was a time, not so very long ago, that our images were not all neatly and safely tucked away on our digital devices.  Pictures took up actual physical space.  For some of us, that meant stacks of photo albums.  For those of us less organized, however, it meant a box (or boxes) with all our precious memories stuffed in haphazardly.  It was always fun looking through that box, because you never quite knew what you would find.  Grandma baking cookies, fishing with cousin charlie, everyone piled on that old yellow couch.

I don’t know if it has to do with ADHD, but recalling memories can be extremely difficult for me.  I am pretty good at remembering facts, but I often confuse events and get things out of sequence.  In fact, if we were to take our  box of photographs, and dump it on the floor, you would have something similar to my memory.  Looking through it, you may recognize the people (or maybe not), the places, and the furniture, but you may be quite unsure of what exactly these people were doing, or what year it was.

I’m Going to Let Go Now

“We have a cultural notion that if children were not engineered, if we did not manipulate them, they would grow up as beasts in the field. This is the wildest fallacy in the world.” ~ Joseph Chilton Pearce

Do you remember being a kid, growing up?  You and your sister would both lay hands on some toy, or other desired object, and pull with all your might in an attempt to remove it from each others’ grasp.  And then, after a few minutes of tug-of-war, you would decide that there was something even better than having the object you so desired.  Then, releasing the object, you would watch as your little sister proceeded to roll across the floor.

Since becoming a father, I have been in a similar power struggle with my children.  Each of us white knuckled, struggling to take control from the hands of the other.  What they wear, how they speak, what they learn, where they go, when they sleep, where they sleep, what they eat, when they eat.  At the onset, I wanted control over every aspect of their lives.  After all, I am the parent, I am the adult, and I know what is best for them, right?

I soon found out that this was the wrong way to have a healthy relationship with my children.  I also learned that lessons are much more powerful when you learn them for yourself, rather than having them forced on you.  So I let go, and watched in terror as they rolled across the floor.  They weren’t ready for control, they didn’t know what to expect.  They had spent their whole lives being told what to do, where to go, and who to be.  I had created an environment of fear, manipulation, and control, and instilled a belief that “Might makes right.”  That wasn’t going to go away overnight.

I am doing my best to let the kids make their own decisions whenever possible.  We are still recovering from the days when Dad was the Dictator, and the kids sometimes make choices that tie my gut up in knots, but I am convinced that this is the way I should have been parenting all along.

If you are struggling with your children over control of their lives, it might be scary to think about letting go.  But the sooner you do it, the softer their fall will be, and the better your relationship.

“Children pursue life, and in doing so, pursue knowledge. They need adults to trust in the inevitability of this very natural process, and to offer what assistance they can.” ~ Earl Stevens

Want more Dadosaurus Rex? Check out my facebook page www.fb.com/thedadosaur

The Answers Are Within

I accidentally posted this on my other blog yesterday.  So, if you are subscribed to both, you may see it twice.

Sometimes, I get really worked up and worried, and I have to sit myself down, and talk some sense into me (Mostly because no one else will):

“Oh self,” I say, “Oh if only I could be like this person, or that person.”

You don’t need to be like them.  Just be yourself.  There is nothing wrong with that.

“But they have it so easy!”

You don’t know that.  You only know the ease or difficulty of your 0wn life.

“Okay, I guess.  But what am I even doing here?  I need some direction.  I need someone to show me the path.  How do I know if I’m doing whats right?”

The answers are inside of you.  Everything that you seek without and fail to find, is hidden within.  You know what is right, you know what you should be doing, and you do not need the approval or acceptance of anyone else.

“But what if I screw up?  What if I fail?  What if I change my mind?”

Making your own decisions, good or bad, right or wrong, and facing the consequences, is the only way to grow.  It is the only way to find out who you are.  Without failure, and without change, there is no growth, there is no life.

But I’m scared”

That’s okay.  Its part of being human.  acknowledge the fear, and release it.  Then go on doing what you know is right.

I really don’t think I can do this, but I guess I’ll keep trying.”

“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”  ~Lao tzu

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~Buddha

“Cherish that which is within you, and shut off that which is without; for much knowledge is a curse.” ~Zhuangzi

Why You Should Have Unimpressive Goals

Last week, I came to the conclusion that if I was going to help others, I would have to Help Myself First.  The plan was to create some new good habits, and to quit the old bad habits.  Sounds like a good idea.  Well, I was trolling my old blog, and found that I had come to the same realization just six short months ago.  I made a plan of action, which involved meditating, exercising, and free-writing for 10 minutes a day each, and let me tell you it was not successful.

What Went Wrong?

So, why did I fail?

  • The changes were too big
  • I took on too many habits at once
  • I didn’t commit to a certain time of day
  • I had no accountability
  • I did not have any reminders or habit triggers

So this time, I am committing to exercise vigorously for 2 minutes upon rising in the morning.  I will also be placing a little sign that says “Exercise” on the bathroom mirror (one of the first places I look in the morning).

It may seem unimpressive, but I would rather have a one humble goal that I can achieve than a hundred impressive goal that I will never accomplish.

(From “Do You Believe That?” on 4-10-14)

I have been reflecting lately, on the purpose and meaning in life. I have found that, no matter what you believe, the ultimate calling on our lives is to help others. There is nothing more fulfilling than positively impacting the life of another human. to give them something that they could not have attained on their own.

However, in order to effectively help others, I must first help myself. If my life is a wreck, and I have no direction, and no clue how to handle my own situations, how can I ever hope to benefit another person.  But how do I help myself?  I would say, the first step is to learn about myself.  In doing this, I will be learning about all human life, as we share the same desires, the same fears, the same ambitions, and the same needs.

In an effort to accomplish this, I have started three new habits: Meditation, Free-Writing, and Exercise. I plan to do each of these every day for 10 minutes a day, for at least the next month.

Meditation:

In our fast paced society, we do not often take time to sit quietly with ourselves, and just observe our own thoughts.  There is always something flashing, making noise, moving around.  We live in a world of constant distraction, and do not get the opportunity to just be.  Meditation is a great opportunity allow the world to simply turn underneath us, with no worries, being confident that, at least for now, the earth will take care of itself.

When I meditate, I do worry about perfect posture.  I simply sit in a relaxed position, and focus on my breathing.  I do not worry about emptying my mind.  If a thought enters my mind, I acknowledge it, let it go, and go back to my breathing.

Free Writing

I have found this to be very relaxing, and a big stress-reliever.  It releases any thoughts that have been weighing on my mind, and helps me to expound on ideas for projects and articles.  I hope this will help me to be able to express myself more freely and easily when I write, as well as helping me to learn more about who I am.

Exercise

In my search for self-awareness, I not only want to become more familiar with my mind, but also my body.  Exercising regularly will help build discipline, and help me to be aware of my physical body.  I have not started this habit yet, but when I do, I plan to keep it simple.  Running, walking, yoga, anything that will get me moving, and increase my physical self awareness.

Thanks for reading, folks.

Short Journey Into Creations ‘Beginning’

Jonathan Kerr of Existential Balance offers a his perspective on existence, creation, and the moral implications.

“yet the magnificence of feeling, physically, emotionally and mentally, should never be overlooked. The beauty of sight and sound are unparalleled, no matter how mundane the object may appear to a conditioned mind, and through our entire struggle, we should know this is ours to do with as we please. We owe no one an apology, we owe no one an explanation, and we ourselves own no one. Live your life to what your image of the fullest is, compare yourself to no one, let no one hold you back, and as long as you do not impose your will upon another, I do not see how any of us can go wrong.”

Existential Balance

(A quick note: this blog is not dead, but is not very active, I will post from time to time, but it will be sporadic and not worth your time to wait around for me, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it)

 

This is from the perspective of a post-creation observer. That is to say creation has begun, if indeed there was a beginning, and along the way, or from this ‘beginning’, an observer was present. This observer is now formulating this beginning.

 

If one is to understand the beginning, then one must understand the present, the latter being a product of the former. In this present there are objects, stuff, and ‘things’, something which is. Thus we have Something.
In using ‘Something’ we simultaneously imply ‘Nothing.’ For ‘Something’ can only be known through comparison with ‘Nothing.’ And likewise ‘Nothing’ can only be known through…

View original post 1,650 more words

Take Charge Of Your Life

unnamed

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward.”  ~Amelia Earhart

It is a wondrous thing to be an autonomous being, able to feel and to think and to decide.  Run your own race, and don’t let anyone keep you from doing what you know is right.

How To Be Human

Scan_Pic0004

Yesterday’s Post outlined my plan to focus on my own continued improvement.  The meat of the plan had to do with changing habits, removing the bad, and adding the good.  However, this is not something that I have done well with in the past.  I often set out to make changes, and start strong, but soon my will power runs out, and I am left in a far worse position than where I started.

Coincidentally, a friend shared with me yesterday a website that he has created called How To Be Human,  Which he described as “a self-help site that will deliver therapy-grade psychoeducation accessible to everyone.”  As a good friend would, I immediately clicked on the link to check out his creation, and it absolutely blew me away.

I have been on a mission to resolve my personal struggles. To live free of anxiety, depression, self doubt, shame and regret, to connect with those I care for, to live in the present moment, to feel and enjoy it, to think clearly, to sleep easily and fitfully, to breathe, to find balance in what I eat, to be comfortable in my own skin whatever that looked like, to not fear being confused and vulnerable, to be warm and caring, to be authentic to myself and others, to find joy, meaning and harmony in how I live, to love, to be happy.

Every step of the way I wondered “what’s the link? How do all these diverse goals hang together? There has to be a simple answer.” This series is that simple answer. It is all part of being human. I have spent the last nine years learning something I didn’t ever expect I’d need to learn, how to be human.

The Series has 11 modules, the first of which is called CHANGE.  The CHANGE module explains our ability to re-program our brains through learning, solution shaping, and enacting change.  It also covers factors that may derail attempts to change, and those that help to facilitate change.

That just so happened to be exactly what I needed, and It has given me a little extra guidance as I begin (once again) my journey to make the most out of life on this planet.

How To Be Human is written with a very easy to read style, while still being extremely informative and educational.  I can’t recommend this series highly enough, and I look forward to reading the second module MONITOR AND MOVE which is scheduled to be released on October 14th, 2014.

Thanks for reading folks.