How to turn suffering into success
Using the power of your mind to get the life you want.
Taking care of your own emotional health and well-being is the single most important thing you can do for your kids. Period.
Stuck in a rut? Try leaving your comfort zone!
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“The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you’ve gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you’ve gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you’ve gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?” ― Zhuangzi
There are times I can be quite chatty (and possibly obnoxious and overbearing). But I wonder if maybe the reason that I talk so much is that I am trying vigorously to communicate something for which words do not exist. Something that can only be felt in the deepest part of being. Something that goes beyond words and their usefulness.
Is there such a thing? A truth that cannot be communicated? Wisdom that cannot be spoken? an idea that cannot be uttered? What characteristics would it have? How would we notice it, or think about it; study it, or perceive it? Could we? Would we? In a world of instant access to unlimited information, it seems almost absurd to seek after something that cannot be encoded into language.
This is exactly how Lao Tzu describes The Tao in the Tao Te Ching, “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao, The Way that can be named is not the eternal Way.” But how can we have anything but a superficial understanding of this Great Truth when all we can do is speak or read about it? Perhaps it can be reached through meditation. Focusing on your breathing, moving into your body, getting in touch with your surroundings and filling your mind with the present moment. This may get you away from words, but as the story goes, meditating to reach enlightenment is like polishing a brick to make it into a mirror (it ain’t gon’ happen)
[I have tactically chosen to leave the remainder of this post empty, instead of finishing it, in order to leave space for Wordless Truth. Let me know if you see it]
I absolutely love coffee, but it was turning me into a monster, and making me feel like crap most of the time. So, I quit. I feel great, and this time, it’s for good.
It’s been over 11 years since I dropped out of college, and it has turned out to be one of the best life choices I have ever made. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.
Straight out of high school, I really had no clue who I was, or what I wanted out of life (I knew my mom wanted me to become a Lutheran minister, and I was strongly considering it if only to make her happy). When I signed up for classes at a local community college, I ended up majoring in business and minoring in music (I guess I wanted to open a…Music business?). My class-load was not terribly heavy, but I still had a hard time dragging myself out of bed for my earlier classes, and after a few weeks stopped attending them. No one seemed to care, so eventually I stopped going to my other classes as well, opting to wander around campus, hang out in the library, or go to more interesting classes that I hadn’t actually signed up for. Well I couldn’t keep this up forever, at least not without someone getting wise to my shenanigans, so I had to come clean.
I ended up flunking out my first semester, as it was too late to withdraw from my classes. My parents were not ecstatic (they were even less thrilled in the coming months when they learned I was getting married and moving 1100 miles away).
Sure, the main reason I avoided my classes was laziness, but it seems college has become the lazy option.
I can understand if you have a vision for your future, or a career or vocation that you would like to pursue that requires a degree, but anymore college is just an extension of high school, a way to postpone adulthood. Not sure what you want to be when you grow up? that’s fine! Just change your major 17 times, you’ll get there soon enough. Why go out into the real world and get real life experiences when you can spend another 4 to 8 years in a classroom? And hey, If you’re not happy with your degree, that’s okay, you can just come right on back and get another one.
I am eternally grateful to my irresponsible 18 year old self for being lazy, selfish, and reckless. That one decision propelled me into a life of travel, adventure, and awesomeness (not to mention the lack of debt!). I may not have a degree, but I have an amazing wife, 4 kids, my own home, and 11 years of real life experience. (maybe I would have had these things had I finished my degree, but then again, maybe not)
Disclaimer: Everyone makes their own personal life decisions. If college is right for you, go for it, just don’t feel like it’s your only option, or that you’re a deadbeat if you don’t have a degree.
“If you take a journey to the place that you are, you will visit many other places. And perhaps, when you find through some long experience that all the places you go are not the place you wanted to find, it may occur to you that you were already there in the beginning.” ~Alan Watts
There are so many of us running, striving, stretching, searching. Looking for purpose and meaning, looking for enlightenment. Trying to find a way in, or a way out. Trying to fix or improve ourselves. “If only I could get in shape.” “If only I could control my temper.” “If only I could be successful.” “If only I had a little more money.” Listen: We have already arrived. For starters, we live in one of, or perhaps the only, great concentration of consciousness in the universe, riding a small but fertile rock. We are surrounded by trillions of companions, (some more sympathetic than others) And while it is true that it is a world of suffering, all suffering (and each sufferer) comes to an end in due time.
Take a moment and rest in what you have. In what is. In who you are.
You are the Universe. You are doing fine.
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
I’m tired of just talking about how we can make the world a better place. It’s time for action. Let’s do this.
Are you 100% satisfied with the way your child behaves in public? Awesome. Stop reading and go enjoy a latte. If not, keep reading (you might still want to get that latte)
We’ve all been there. The shame. The embarrassment. The Anxiety. You just wanted to go pick up a few things at the grocery store. In and out. It was supposed to be simple. But these beasts you’ve brought along with you. They’re…They’re…What are they doing? Why are they on the floor? Why are they touching that? Get back over here! God, now they’re screaming. STOP SCREAMING! No we’re not getting ice cream. No were not getting fruit snacks. We have fruit snacks at home. I know they’re not dinosaur fruit snacks.
It can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. There was a time when I dreaded taking my kids anywhere in public. I just couldn’t deal with the judgmental looks, and the shame of feeling like a bad parent. But I have since learned a secret that has revolutionized our trips into the wide world.
It was my anxiety, tension, fear, and dread that was feeding their undesirable behavior. We were caught in a vicious cycle. I would be stressed before they even had a chance to do anything wrong. They would pick up on that negative energy, get restless and irritable, and then start doing things that bothered me. I would over-react (since I had already been stewing in my head over it) and then the problem would get even worse. The only way to stop this cycle is to relax.
It almost sounds too simple, but it works. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. It can be as simple as remembering to breathe, giving yourself a pep talk before going out (and probably a few times while you are out. and over and over in the car on the way there and back. Positive self talk can be extremely helpful) It also helps to be prepared, and to prepare the children. Let them know where you are going, what will happen, what your expectations are for them, and what positive thing they can expect to get from the whole experience (Maybe some dinosaur gummy snacks? Snacks are super important. Next to a tense parent, low blood sugar is probably the top tantrum causer)
The kids will be far from perfect, especially the first few times. But it will get better. Be patient with yourself, and with the kids. Smile, breathe, and relax. (and when you have some time for a little self discovery, maybe you can sit down and ask yourself what about their behavior really bothers you anyway, and why)