“If you take a journey to the place that you are, you will visit many other places. And perhaps, when you find through some long experience that all the places you go are not the place you wanted to find, it may occur to you that you were already there in the beginning.” ~Alan Watts
There are so many of us running, striving, stretching, searching. Looking for purpose and meaning, looking for enlightenment. Trying to find a way in, or a way out. Trying to fix or improve ourselves. “If only I could get in shape.” “If only I could control my temper.” “If only I could be successful.” “If only I had a little more money.” Listen: We have already arrived. For starters, we live in one of, or perhaps the only, great concentration of consciousness in the universe, riding a small but fertile rock. We are surrounded by trillions of companions, (some more sympathetic than others) And while it is true that it is a world of suffering, all suffering (and each sufferer) comes to an end in due time.
Take a moment and rest in what you have. In what is. In who you are.
You are the Universe. You are doing fine.
I didn’t make any specific new years resolutions this year, but I did look at the coming year as a clean slate, a new opportunity, and a fresh start. And I have to tell you, my burst of “New Year Motivation” lasted nearly to March, which is way longer than usual. I was getting things done around the house, keeping up with my obligations at work, and feeling good about myself in general. I spent zero time on social media, and could rarely be found wallowing in depression and self-loathing.
Well, now its April, and here I am blogging when I am supposed to be working. My motivation has left, and in its place is incurable laziness. It’s making my work more difficult, making my home life more difficult, and really dragging me down emotionally. and I just can’t seem to shake it. I can’t seem to get back on the inspiration bus.
Part of the problem may be that I have no clear aim in life. No ultimate goal or direction. Or maybe its the constant nagging feeling of meaninglessness, or fear of failure. But I’m not completely without hope, because this is just one part of a cycle I have been repeating for years, and soon enough I will be back on top, getting things done, and making stuff happen. Another reason I am hopeful, is that I have been consistently working to stretch out the periods of inspiration and productivity, and slowly abbreviate the lazy lump periods.
I have a lot of goals: Eat right, exercise regularly, have a clean organized home, be a good parent, work less, make more money, and be a better husband, among other things. Here is the step-by-step process I have been using to accomplish those goals.
- Read several articles about self improvement
- Fantasize about actually following through with the plan outlined in those articles
- Read two more articles
- Forget what I read in the first few articles
- Start a blog without a clear direction, I just know I want to make money
- Have a cup of coffee
- Feel inadequate
- Eat junk food to make me feel better
- Check blog stats
- Wonder why I even try
- Yell at the wife and kids
- Read an article from Psychology Today to figure out why I act this way
- Pour over blog stats at work. Instead of working.
- Try to find the article I read the first day, cause I know the answer is in there somewhere
- Start another blog
- Determine to do better
- Read more articles
- Finally find the answer to all my problems
- Have a few candy bars
- Check my blog stats while I am supposed to be playing with the kids
- Run around the house absentmindedly, leaving drawers and cabinets opened, and a trail of candy wrappers/dirty dishes
- Check blog stats
- Worry about how messy the house is, how I am failing at work, and failing as a husband and father
- Wallow in self pity
- Check blog stats (I got a new follower! Hope is restored!)
- It was just a company trying to sell me something
- More Coffee
- Start a blog post, don’t have time to finish it, post it and call it “Part 1” and never make a part two
Update: 29. Come back the next day and remove careless errors I was too lazy to look for. There are probably more I missed.